I don’t know anything.
I don’t know what made me write my thoughts on something so public for I find it hard to trust people with deep shit, and they might judge me when they see this.
Although I have a sort of journal that keeps my feelings-well a journal isn’t public anyway.
But whenever i write on it, i always feel like sooner or later, I’ll let somebody read it anyway. It’s like I’m writing for someone and not for myself alone or even for the sake of memory. I feel like I’m writing for someone that I haven’t met yet. I just don’t know when I would feel that I’m worth knowing, that I’m worth something.
I think I just miss talking to people.
I don’t know anything.
I don’t know why I feel so hallow. (I remember this song from Sibol, Mr. Cellophane.) Maybe what Niko said was right, I’m so weak that even small things or stupid mistakes ruin my day. I don’t why I said that, maybe it’s true. I don’t even know if anyone knows me or if my bestfriends do, coz I’m not sure if I even know myself or what i know of myself is something i wish i could be.
(I hope I can talk to him again. Maybe he is one of the reasons why I feel so hallow, so invisible, so useless. Maybe its because, I feel like we’ve gone different ways. I can’t find him anymore. I’ve been so attached and so dependent that I’m broken. Maybe I’m paranoid, they all say that theyre always there. But where is there, maybe its in a different dimension. For once, I felt like someone accepted me. Not for my lies, but for the real me. Well, most of it was real. It already happened thrice. With Tony, Leony and Now, Mony. I don’t want them to be burdened with me anymore. I must be strong on my own, but I would’ve felt more complete if they didn’t leave me, or set me aside. Maybe i feel this way because, I loved them. Then it would be a different story.)
I dont know anything at all.
